🛠️
Small-Batch API Development
REST & RPC endpoints aged in oak barrels (the servers, not the APIs). Each endpoint is lovingly hand-crafted and tested by a human who definitely knows what they're doing.
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🎨
Artisanal UI & UX Design
Pixel-perfect interfaces where each pixel is placed by hand. No AI templates, no design systems—just pure, unfiltered human creativity (and maybe some Figma).
🔒
Hand-Forged Security Reviews
We manually try every possible password. Our penetration testing is so artisanal, we use actual pens. Each vulnerability is discovered the old-fashioned way: by staying up until 3 AM.
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Performance Tuning (The Hard Way)
Hand-optimized for speed and reliability. We don't just throw more servers at the problem—we make your code run faster through sheer willpower and excessive coffee consumption.
📝
Technical Writing (Human-Generated)
Clear documentation written by humans for humans. No AI-generated gibberish, just good old-fashioned explanations that actually make sense. We even use proper grammar.
Why Choose Handmade? (We're Asking Too)
While others trust AI to hallucinate their infrastructure, we prefer our hallucinations to come from 72-hour debugging sessions. Like a sourdough starter, our code requires constant attention and has a distinctive tang.
2005 First 'Hello, world!' (took 6 months, really made sure those characters were perfect)
2015 Discovered distributed systems. Still not sure what they do, but they sound important.
2025 Launching Handmade Coding. Yes, we're aware IDEs have autocomplete. We turn it off for authenticity.
"Finally, someone who types EVERY character themselves. No copy-paste, no AI shortcuts—just pure, unadulterated human typing. It's beautiful."— Satisfied Client Who Definitely Exists, CTO at Real Company Inc.
Ready for code that's truly yours? Drop a line—no bots involved, no AI hallucinations, just good old-fashioned human-to-human communication (with proper grammar).
Get in Touch